Near the end of September, on a day bright and clear,
Two intrepid road warriors, without any fear,
Set forth on a journey to the Lone Star State.
They left bright and early so as not to be late.
"Fort Worth, here we come!" Red excitedly said.
"I can't wait to see my favorite redhead."
And so with tickets bought from the 'net,
They boldly headed west to see Carol Burnett.
Down bumpy I-30, past car lots and farms,
Past kudzu lined hillsides and rustic old barns.
Past dense stands of evergreens lining the way,
And washed out places exposing red Southern clay.
Along the way the two travelers talked and opined,
On many a subject that came to mind.
If only the world's leaders had paid them heed,
Life for all would be better indeed!
At last, with Texas already in sight,
Red said, "Take this exit off to the right!
Under the overpass I want you to swing,
And pull in up there at that Burger King."
Soon, with bladder empty and belly sated,
Fox leaned back and burped and patiently waited,
While Red plotted and schemed and formed her plan,
To make a tourist of the unsuspecting man.
"Let's go to the courthouse!" she suddenly cried.
"I'll take your picture as you stand astride,
Haughty old Texas and Arkansas dear.
We might as well since we're already here."
Down the broad, busy street the two of them passed.
Until Red finally said at last,
"There it is, there's the courthouse. I told you so.
We'll take a few pictures and then we can go."
Beside her poor Fox merely nodded okay.
He did not mind giving his friend her own way.
Just then they saw a huge flying banana!
Not really, but it does rhyme with Texarkana!
At the courthouse Fox posed astride the state line,
He stood left, then right, then under the sign.
Then Red did the same as Fox took the shot.
Then it was on to Texas, ready or not.
Once more on I-30, zipping along.
While Red scanned the radio to find a good song.
Mile after mile, the two of them pass.
It's a good thing their car is easy on gas!
Without any trouble, they sped through "Big D."
On past the Arlington ballpark, so pretty to see.
Past a huge concrete foundry, with hundreds of casts.
Until finally Fort Worth was in sight at last!
Finding their motel proved to be easy.
But once checked in, they began to feel queasy.
Fox wondered if perhaps he should sleep in the car.
For you see the place was only rated two stars.
The hall smelled like ashes, the floor creaked and groaned.
The mattresses felt like they were made of stone.
But for Red the worst indignity yet,
Was the lack of a cable for the internet!
"Well, Fox," she said, after pouting a bit.
"We'll just have to make the best of it.
Now go take a shower and when you are through,
Put on this shirt that I brought for you."
Before long the pair was ready to go.
Both dressed in black from head to toe.
Fox felt kind of silly but let Red have her way.
For this was his friend's most exciting of days.
Downtown Fort Worth was easy to reach.
But getting around town was no day at the beach.
Oh yes, they found the theater quickly enough.
But thereafter things soon began to get tough.
You see, Red had her heart set on a thick steak.
But when they entered the street they thought they should take,
An unforseen problem fell in their lap.
The street was not like it was shown on the map!
"Where'd the street go?" a befuddled Fox thought.
"I guess a new way will have to be sought.
I'll just turn right here and try to go round.
Perhaps on the next block the steakhouse will be found."
Suddenly, "Look out, Fox, you're going the wrong way!"
It was then that Fox heard Red quietly pray,
"O, Lord, please let me survive this ordeal.
All I wanted was a simple meal."
With Red madly pumping her make believe break,
Fox cursed ever so softly at his dumb mistake.
Driving strange streets can be a daunting chore.
'Twas an anxious moment, but nothing more.
Through a maze of one way streets they wound.
Until at last their journey found them bound,
Back to the motel from whence they came.
That damned, stupid map was lamer than lame!
Back to Fort Worth, via the 6th Street ramp.
As darkening skies turned on the street lamps.
Into the parking garage beside stately Bass Hall.
With its beautiful angels, fifty feet tall.
"We'll eat at Chili's," Red said with a sigh.
"We won't have our steak, but at any rate, you'll buy."
Once seated, she said, "That man keeps looking at me."
"Red, he's just watching the ballgame on TV."
At last it was time; the wait was no more.
They walked the two blocks to the theater door.
No sooner were they there when to Red's great delight,
A nice lady complimented her Carol website.
The doors were soon opened, and the fans duly filed in.
And Fox thought it was the most stylish place he'd ever been.
At the proper entrance the two waited about,
While a sourpuss old usher checked them out.
Then it was into the theater to search out their seats.
Five rows from the stage, now that's hard to beat!
At a little past eight they dimmed down the lights,
And thus started giddy Red's most memorable of nights.
The curtain drew back, and on a huge viewing screen,
Those old familiar faces were once again seen.
Tim, Harvey, Lyle, and Vicki too,
Evoking laughter, just like they used to.
Then up came the lights and out on the stage,
Came the star of the night, the comedienne of our age.
The crowd went bananas, they cheered to no end.
To them it was just like seeing an old friend.
Fox gave Red a glance to make sure all was okay.
He had only been half joking of her fainting away,
At the sight of her hero, the incomparable Ms. Burnett.
On this night of nights, a night not to forget.
Carol looked twenty years younger than her seventy-four,
As she told jokes, fielded questions and cued a few clips more.
For Red the day's trials were forgotten, this was the best.
That ninety short minutes made up for the rest.
Then, all too soon it was over, and as Carol said her good-byes,
Her fans one last time looked on with appreciative eyes.
The thunderous applause grew ever more loud,
A fitting tribute from an adoring crowd.
Back at the motel, Red asked for a cable once more.
To her disgust, the answer was the same as before.
But she really got mad as a person can get,
When the dullard night clerk asked, "Who's Carol Burnett?"
So there you have it, there's no more to say.
Fox and Red make it back from Texas the next day.
All safe and sound and totally gassed.
But with fond memories that will forever last.
